A Mother's Day Gift

This year I gave a gift that is as much of a gift to my mother as it is to myself. It didn't cost a dime and didn't have to be shipped. It is practical and will last forever. It is the perfect gift.

I thought about this gift a short while ago while thinking about accountablity. More often than not, adults have things in the past that they blame for the crap going on in the present. Some pain is physical, some mental. I am not denying that pain of any variety inflicted during childhood is a bitch to get over and I am sure is the cause of a lot of the addictions people deal with. There are two ways to deal with pain, healthy and not and most often, the not healthy way is what we turn to.

With that all said, I believe that there comes a time in adulthood when you just have to stop blaiming your past for what is happening in your future. Deal with the crap and move on. You have to! I'm not recommending not visiting the past, just to make it a short trip. Find out the reasons that you are doing what you are doing and use that information to move past it!

This isn't easy, believe me! I have used food for the better part of my life to shove down feelings about things in my past. But at 44 years old it is time to learn from those things and use that knowledge to live a better life in the next 44 years. So I am using today as a jumping off point to leave the past in the past and its starts with Mom. Here goes:

Mom,

My gift to you: forgiveness. I know you did the best you could after dad left and I love you for it! Are there things I would change if I could go back and do it over? Of course. But the past is the past. I am happy that you are now asking me to come over and that we can have a converstion without killing each other. I am grateful for the gifts you gave me growing up such as your independence, intelligence and sense of humor. I appreciate the sacrifices you made raising 3 small kids on your own and I know it wasn't easy for either one of us. But love manifests itself in many ways and while ours isn't the Hallmark gooey kind, sacrifice is definately love and you gave us that for sure. Mom, time has given me the wisdom to see that that raising me wasn't easy but hopefully you look at me and are proud of the adult I have become. You are the reason, for better and for worse that I am who I am and I am grateful! I love you.

Happy Mother's Day!
Cynthia