Should I Stay or Should I Go?

It's Friday night! Do you know where your guitarist crazed, otherwise sane but in this case totally wacked out friend is? Good because neither do I! I wish I could tell you i'll be at my local multiplex with all the others watching Mission Impossible:3. I really do! Sitting there with people kicking my chair, rattling their candy wrappers, talking on the celphones while watching that overpaid, scientology wacked Tom Cruise blow up stuff! That sounds infinately better then what i'll most likely be doing: sitting on a stool, nursing a beer, watching band boy play before he ducks out the door on a break with whatever skinny groupie of the night gets his attention!

Ok! Truth be told, I don't know for a fact that anything is going on once he does duck out on a break! The fact of the matter is Band Boy spends a lot of time trying to convince me that he goes home and crashes after a gig...alone! A lot of time trying to convince me that the skinny groupies are all old "friends" from back in his Sunset Strip days. A lot of time trying to convince me that while he isn't lacking for female attention, he isn't interested in sacrificing his goal to make it to Nashville for something temporary! A lot of time trying to convince me that his oat-sowing days are over.

All I know is that flirty chatter with co-workers never involves me and the skinny groupie interest of the night will never be me. It sucks! I know I am the one he talks to about dreams, goals, what could have been and what could be! I don't imagine he emails the co-worker he flirts with about Kofi Anin wanting U.S. intervention into world affairs but he does me! Ok... I know I am turned on by the intellectual type so I wouldn't want it any other way! But would it KILL him to say I look cute?? EVERYONE ELSE DOES! He knows I know this will never happen for us so could he freakin throw me a bone once in a while???

I am stuck between not going and giving him the groupie-equivalent of the finger or going and have a good time despite how I feel I am enabling myself. I am allowing myself to wallow in this misery! When Mike, my Manhattan Beach bartender crush, made it clear we were just friends, all I had to do to get over it was to stop driving 60 miles r/t to the bar. I can't do that with Band Boy unless I quit my job! At least I sit in front of him and not in back of him where I would be sitting all day, shooting daggers into the back of his shaggy blond head with my eyes!
He is playing me, plain pure and simple. Regardless of if he realizes it or not, he is enjoying the intellectual banter of the smart girl yet interested in playing around/flirting with the skinny chicks. He knows I am upset so he offered to burn me a CD that he thought I would be interested in. He knows that gets me every time and this is the first time in a month or two he's done it. Coinsidence that it's happening this week? I don't think so!

I can't help who I like and neither can he! I get that! That is why I don't want to take this out on him as it is my issue! I don't want to burn the friendship as he truly is an awesome friend and a great guy.......mostly! But he is, after all, a guy! And we know which head guys think with.......even the non-guitar playing ones who aren't chick magnets!

I'll go! I'll be supportive! I'll be his friend! It's what I do best! And apparently, if I want male attention at all, it's what I will be doing the rest of my life!