Marking Territory

It is two weeks since St. Patricks Day and I have been struggling to figure out how I feel about what happened that night at the bar. This morning, as I was walking Codi, the sweet girl dog I am sitting for, it hit me! As Cody lifted her leg on the bush in the neighbors yard and peed, I realized just like that bush, territory had been marked on St. Pattys Day at Oh Gradys. Only it wasn't with lifting a leg, it was with lifting a finger.

"The Girlfriend" walked into the bar on St. Pattys and asked if I wanted to see her "Valentine's Day gift. Before I could say "not really" she shoved a ring in my face. To add to the humor of the situation, she then proceeded to try and convince someone that the ring didn't mean anything. What I am not sure is who she was trying to convince, herself or me.

What upset me was not the actual ring or her not so subtle intent in flashing it at me. What upset me was that I was forced to face the reality that the ring obviously meant something to the giver of the ring and that is what has me thinking about this "friendship" I have with him. Sure this isn't the first time and most likely won't be the last. But a heavy dose of reality can be a good thing if you finally get out of denial and see something for what it really is.

Sure he and I are friends and fairly good ones at that. We support each other in our dreams. But we aren't the sharing deep dark secrets type of friends. If we were, I wouldn't have found out about "the girlfriend" from people who saw them out in the parking lot doing God knows what on the night of my birthday. I certainly wouldn't have found out about a ring a month after it was given by "the girlfriend' flashing it in my face. My female intuition tells me that he gets the emotional support from me and the physical support from her. Maybe, maybe not! But is that all I want from this "friendship"?

This ring has made me face up to the fact that ok...fine...yes, I haven't really gotten over him and ....sigh...I was holding on to that romantic notion that someday it will hit him that we are meant for each other. We aren't...and he isn't! He isn't going to have that lightning flash moment where he realizes that the girl he's been waiting for was right under his nose all along. Well....he might but that girl isn't going to be me.

They say the truth will set you free and it has in this case. I feel liberated and free to go on looking for the man that will adore me and worship me like I did Band Boy. I am free to look for a man who isn't a control freak. I am free to spend weekends doing something other than sitting in that bar trying to impress upon Band Boy that I could be the adoring girlfriend. I am free to not drop what I am doing to reply to his emails. I am free to set boundaries in my friendship with Band Boy without worrying that he will think of me as something other than the good friend I am.

Yes, the truth will set you free when you finally face up to it. And much to the joy of my friends who are tired of seeing me struggle with this, I am free at last!