Change

They say sometimes to grow as a human, things must change. It makes sense. When you are comfortable, when everything is going great, when life is wonderful, why would you want to change, to grow? You don't! Change is scary and sometimes it hurts like hell!

Four years ago I went through one of the most painful changes in my life. My family decided to up and leave me! They all moved to Arizona and didn't even ask me to go! My mom was moving because financially she would be better off. My sister and her kids were going so they could help Mom with our aging Grandfather! I wasn't asked to go because my Mom and I don't get along.......to say the least!

It hurt.........big time! I can remember driving home after finding out! I was crying my eyes out, feeling very alone and unloved! These people were supposed to love me, be here to support me! Now they were saying "buh bye" without even a thought if I cared or not! But as God often does, he closed that door and opened another one!

The very weekend my family was moving, my friend Kellie invited me to go to church with her. She said I would really like the pastor that was speaking and really should check it out! I figured it would be better than sitting home crying so I went. The pastor speaking was great! He was dynamic, interesting and peaked my interest!

I became a hit and miss attender at the church. Each week I would walk in, listen to the music, and start bawling! I couldn't figure out why but started going back weekly. One Sunday, it finally hit me! That place, that church was exactly what I was missing! God would fill the hole left by my family leaving!

That afternoon I went to classes that explained what the church was all about. It was there that they introduced all the pastors, including the one that spoke in the service earlier. Turns out he is the Worship Arts Pastor....the choir director! I ran up to him after the class and introduced myself. I asked him about joining choir. He was very friendly and explained that choir required no audition! I was excited and made me feel very comfortable about joining a group of people I had never met. Choir became my family as did the church! I met so many friends! Families that welcomed me as one of their own! I lived for choir weekends! The music was contemporary and it was great to sing again! I was so amazed that something this fun was for the glory of God!

And that pastor? He became more than just a pastor to me! He became a friend. He was so instrumental in my getting my life turned around. He was the first person I met at RP and the first pastor I heard speak! He baptized me! He had faith in me and my testimony and asked me to share it with the congregation! When he trusted me with his kids, his house, his dog, he made me see that I wasn't the screw-up in those areas that my own family made me feel I was! He sat in his office and gave me invaluable advice many times! He and his wife helped me see the value in marriage and that they can work!

His family blessed my life as well! It was his wonderful wife that opened her home to our small group and made it warm and inviting! She taught me how to use our musical gifts to serve God with love and humility! Her smile and warm hugs made me feel great on many occasions! Their amazing kids have blessed my life with their laughter and the fun I have had with them will never be forgotten!

Well.......like my family before them, my church family is changing as well. That pastor and his family that I love so much are moving!! He is going to head up the Arts ministry for a large chuch about an hour down the freeway! Sure it's only an hour away! It's within visiting distance. But it's a change! The change isn't scary, it's the unknown that is a result that is scary! While the change is good for the pastor and his family, it breaks the heart of all of us that have served with them the last 6 years! This was their last weekend at church and I have never been a part of something so incredibly sad........and yet so rewarding! It hurts us to let them go but it is exciting to think of the new possibilites of who God is bringing in!

When I think back to how much it hurt to let my family move to Arizona, I smile! I smile because of all the the positive changes that came as a result of that move! I subsequently moved in with my wonderful roommate who is my best friend, mom, shrink and moral compass all rolled into one! I was also led to church where I found my loving church family! I became fullfilled.......whole.......never happier! And within that love and happiness, I found the courage to have the gastric bypass surgery that resulted in my 100 pound weight loss! So God took that painful situation and used it for good in my life! I have no reason to think He won't do the same with this situation as well!

I know it is for the best for all involved but if it's God's will.......why does he make it hurt so much!? Is it to make us more Christlike? Less complacent? I don't know! Change is difficult and it can hurt like crazy! But if we hang on comfortably to what we know, how can that allow God to work in our lives? It is the hearts and love of those moving that we will mis the most! Who's to say God doesn't plan on using us for that same purpose in someone else's life? Some new and lonely person may wander up to Rocky Peak and ask me about choir! :)

Faith is believing in what we can't see. Faith is what will get me through this change......and all the other changes that will happen in life! I will grow as result. I do know I am hanging tight to my faith in a God who only wants the best for all of us!