Taking Up Knitting

I love Grey's Anatomy! The frustration, the joy, the humor......it all parallels my life! Right now, the character I am relating to the most is Meredith. Not the slutty, dating a hot vet Meredith, unfortunately! The frustrated, giving up on men, trying to be celebate by knitting Meredith! I think she might be on to something, giving up men for knitting! We both found great guys. Her's turned out to be married, mine turns out to just want a friend. Both men are fine with just being friends while Meredith and I struggle with this despite what we tell ourselves and others.

I am a very spirtual person. I believe in God and am more than willing to let Him lead in all areas of my life! He can even have this one! Please God........please tell me what to do with this relationship/friendship! Dump it because it isn't what I want it be? Stick with it to see what it might be? Be content with what it is? All I know is that what has been clear to my friends for months has now become clear to me: this "friendship" is more of a game than a relationship! I am being "played". I have known it deep down but refused to see it. Now I feel like I am being smacked upside the head with it and I don't like it one bit!

He makes it clear that it's important to him that I go to his gigs.......then sneaks off with redhead claims girl on the breaks. He tells me the heartfelt stuff and then turns around and gleefully tells me how this cute girl tells his friend "if you don't make a play soon, i'll just go after him". Well.....if the object here is to make me jealous, it works! I get it! He's popular with the girls and clearly not interested in me that way! I am the buddy! Great! While I was content with that for a year and a half, now I just feel ...stupid!

The problem here is my honesty! Usually it's the best policy. In this case, though, I think I played my hand way to early! He has known about my crush all along and while I don't think he has it in him to consciously take advantage, he has enjoyed the attention! He is a rocker used to the groupies, used to the loose women throwing themselves at him, used to the attention! I am just one of the many! Another in a long line of broken hearts.

So where do I go from here? I don't know. I keep getting reeled in! It doesn't take much. I get frustrated........swear to myself I AM not going to see him play.. hear him joke around with me and then turn around 10 minutes later and make plans to go with a co-worker to his gig! Then he openly flirts with coworkers right in front of me and I run to the bathroom to cry! And then he will smile, joke around, burn me a CD and the cycle starts over again. Its awful! And totally not worth it. I am done!

Meredith has the right idea to swear off men, take up knitting and become celibate! I dont imagine I am much of a knitter, but I write! And that is where I am going to be spending my time. Writing about how I am not going to see him play, putting on my music so I cant hear him try to joke around with me. Let him come to me to see if Im pissed. If he doesnt so be it! I am sure he has MANY other women to bat their eyes and fall victim to the charm. I wasnt the first and wont be the last. And he wont be the last band boy for me!

A Girl And Her Dogs

I come home every night and see the cutest face peaking out at me from the top of the stairs. He runs down and gives me a kiss with enthusiasm usually reserved for lottery winners. It is a kiss that starts at the bottom of my chin and usually ends up all over my glasses. And after that kiss, when I look down at the wagging tail and loving eyes of my Rottweiler named Bear, I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

Bear, his brother Thor and I became roommates March of 2002. They were three months old when I moved in with their owner Val and I wasn't exactly thrilled to see them. They were feisty and chewed on everything! As any young children are, they were high maintenance. I am sure I didn't impress them either! I was a whiny human, afraid of what she heard were "vicious Rottweilers". They were adorable and the more we got to know each others personalities, the more we came to love each other.

I began to recognize Bear not only by his purple collar but also by his feisty nature. As crazy as he is loving, Beanie became our problem child in no time flat. He is the one running around like he just had a vente triple shot latte! Always inquisitive, always a scamp! He is Dennis The Menace in dog form! It's this hooligan behavior that prompted him to steal green beans right off of Vals plate. She branded him the bean stealer. We shortened it to "Beanie and then to the beanster. The names somehow fit.

Thor is our mellow love bug! He will kiss you by licking any available part of your anatomy until you cant take it no more! His need for closeness is great in the winter when its cold but unbearable in the summer when its hot. Thor seems content to let his brother run wild until he realizes it gets Beanie all the attention. Then he will sit on the floor and talk to me until I give him love too! Thor isnt without his own craziness! He had his moment of brilliant rebellion when he ran out the front door and proceeded to get hit by a car! When he ran home, climbed up the stairs and went to bed while I combed the neighborhood looking for him, I realized his nature is more quiet determination than wild craziness.

What they both have in common, despite the differences in their nature, is their inexhaustible ability to love unconditionally. I can scold them, yell at them or bop them on the nose for begging and it wont stop them from kissing me or running to the door happily when I come home!
What they have in me is someone who loves to sit on the steps and love fest with them! Someone who will talk to them, play with them, love them unconditionally for the rest of their lives!

It is this unconditional love that I have been looking for all my life! I have just been looking for it in a man! I have found it in my boys! And while they may drink out of the toilet, at least they don't leave the seat up! That is most likely better than you will get with any man! That's why I love my boys as much as they love me. I am truly the luckiest girl in the world!